tum

                      तुम

जाने कब से बैठा हूँ, मैं इसी मंथन में ।
कैसे बांधू , तुमको शब्दों के बंधन में  ।
कैसे बताऊँ तुम्हारा महत्व अपने जीवन में ।
 लाख कोशिश के बाद भी नाकाम हूँ, इस जतन में ।

कहने को तो तुम्हारे  बिना भी जिंदा हूँ ।
पर अंतर नहीं है, ऐसे जीवन और मरण में ।
शायद और ऊँचा उड़ सकता हूँ, तुम्हारे बिना ।
बिना ख़ुशी कामयाबी की कीमत है? हूँ इसी चिंतन में ।

जीवन को हर्षित करने वाला सतरंगी स्पर्श हो तुम ।
भोतिकता के अभाब में भी,  संपूर्णता  का अहसास  हो  तुम ।
ज़िन्दगी खूबसूरत बनाने वाला प्रफुल्लता का साज हो तुम ।
कह सकता हूँ, संक्षेप में मेरा कल और आज हो तुम । 
  

Born Naked

Though i don't remember it as probably no one does it is a fact that i was born naked. From that time onwards, I tried draping myself in different sheets of caste, creed and society. But the fact remains like a unabashed monolith that i was born naked.
I saw my flaws myself but always tried to hide them from other. Flaws were of several kinds- physical, moral (innate in character) or societal. The image of self felt by me and how other see me was entirely opposite. I dexterously used " Saam, Daam, danda, bheda" to hide my flaws.
Sometimes I lied (repeatedly of course) to hide some mundane fact which doesn't even matter to me right now. I used all my might and God bestowed potency in hiding the truth from a hypocrite world which itself is naked. I could always feel the palpable fear of society. Always worried about society reaction about some of my idiosyncrasies, relationships or other worthless issue related to my life.
Though recently i read GITA and tried to be increasingly transparent in my behaviour and ways of life. I tried hard not to lie, not to hide anything from anyone. I lost so many things which really mattered to me due to mine this strange obsession with truth. Even after following GITA i have hidden a huge portion of my darkness from the world.
Recently due to some event i feel my nemesis has come. GOD did something which even if i want to hide from the world, I can't. This sudden incapacity of mine to hide anything reminded me of long forgotten bare fact that i was born naked. I had nothing to hide backthen. Probably truth is always naked. You can't cover it by fancy sheets of lies.
At this juncture after this sudden turn of events, I can only appreciate the words of one of my teachers" I am not ashamed of anything, not even nudity". Probably and partially because truth is always naked. We should have the courage to face the reality as it is. If we don't have this attribute we need to develop it because only " Veer Bhogya Vasundhara".

Lehron se Darkar nauka par nahin hoti,
koshish karne walon ki haar nahin hoti

Nanhi cheenti jab daana lekar chalti hai,
chadhti deewaron par, sau bar phisalti hai.
Man ka vishwas ragon mein saahas bharta hai,
chadhkar girna, girkar chadhna na akharta hai.
Akhir uski mehnat bekar nahin hoti,
koshish karne walon ki haar nahin hoti.

Dubkiyan sindhu mein gotakhor lagata hai,
ja ja kar khali haath lautkar aata hai
Milte nahi sahaj hi moti gehre paani mein,
badhta dugna utsah isi hairani mein.
Muthi uski khali har bar nahin hoti,
koshish karne walon ki haar nahi hoti.

Asaflta ek chunauti hai, ise sweekar karo,
kya kami reh gayi, dekho aur sudhar karo.

Jab tak na safal ho, neend chain ko tyago tum,
Sangharsh ka maidan chhodkar mat bhago tum.
Kuch kiye bina hi jai jaikar nahin hoti,
koshish karne walon ki haar nahin hoti.

- Harivansh Rai Bacchan

ज़िन्दगी

अच्छाइयों और उसूलों को निभाने के लिए मैं मिटाता रहा ख़ुद को खुशी से
दोस्तों ने यारों ने, घर वालों ने न जाने क्या क्या चाहा मेरे लिए ज़िन्दगी से
मैंने ने तो बस यही चाहा, कभी भी कुछ न चाहूँ मैं किसी से
सारे रिश्तों को बन्धनों को निभाने के लड़ा मैं मौला की खुदी से
फिर भी न जाने क्यों उसने मेरा नाता जोड़ दिया बेबसी से
ज़िन्दगी के अंधेरों की आदत के कारण डर लगने लगा है रोशनी से
किसकी गलती है, किससे शिकवा करुँ ख़ुद से तुझसे या ऊपरवाले की बंदिगी से
ज़िन्दगी ने छीन लिया है ज़िन्दगी को मेरी ज़िन्दगी से

जन्मसिद्ध अधिकार

ए खुबसूरत बला सी हसीं तुम्हारा इंतज़ार है.
तुम्हारी जुल्फों की छायों में सोने को दिल बेकरार है
जाने क्या क्या खवाव है तुम्हारे बारे में मेरे सीने में,
मेरे सपनों की मलिका, मृत्यु तुम पर मेरा जन्मसिद्ध अधिकार हैं

Religion and the Art of loosing

They say everybody is born for a particular purpose. May be purpose of my life is to demonstrate others that lesser mortals like human beings don’t have right to wish, to decide. God has given only the right of karma, fruit He has withheld from lesser mortals in His control. We may have something (which we can consider winning), but that is just like begging given to mendicants. I lost again and again and then again until I realized that losing is my destiny. Life has already made all decisions of my life; I had no right of anything in my life. I had no role in choice of my parents, my siblings. Later on I realized, I even don’t have liberty over my friends, colleagues, relatives.

The art of loosing made it easy for me to accept all my defeats, routs, vanquishes. It made it easy for me to realize futility of my existence. This art is not pristine or developed by me. It was there from the starting of evaluation of humankind itself. But as euphemism, (since it may look huge embarrassing for us human beings to accept the truth) we call it religion. Almost all religion teach us to come to the shelter of some unknown force (known as God in language of theists) and that force will take care of all these problems, mysteries unsolved by the intelligent and braveness endowed on us lesser mortals.

I was a theist in my childhood as a result of my upbringing then ventured into dark arena of atheism and remained there until I could afford the lugubriousness caused by my repeated failures. Then I realized I can no longer take it alone and started searching for a safe lap where I can fall every time I loose and I found it in the form of good old religion. This was the first time I realized why majority of us are so much keen devotees of religion, because we lack the courage to face embarrassing of our continued throughout life.

Although I have lost many times, before and after converting to theism (Conversion to religious brigade doesn’t reduce the probability of losing) but there is a change in my attitude. The change is that earlier I used to feel responsible for my failures now I just blame it to my destiny written or decided by the unknown force. Like any other event losing also has its benefits. I have lost so many important battles in my life that losing on professional or career front doesn’t worry me anymore because I do feel this time’s defeat is nothing in comparison to its earlier counterparts.

Anyway I should not take chance and should not directly challenge that unknown force. May be it really exists, as I already admitted the bounds of human intelligentsia are limited. I don’t know whether God exists or not, whether concepts of hell and heaven have any modicum of reality in their existence. But I can audaciously accept my vulgar truth that If I always use to win, or my intelligentsia were without limits, I would not believed in any such hypothesis.

Conflict of Social dogmas and logical thinking

I was born and brought up in a small city called Jaspur in hinterland of uttarakhand, where thinking process of the society was always inhibited and dominated by the existing social dogma with people having no raw nerves to oppose established norms of the society. My parents, much disciplined and strictly spiritual, gave me daily doses of sermons about moral ethics and social values (example: Par dareshu matravat, par draveyeshu losthavat, it means you should think others’ wife as mother and others’ money or things like dust.). At that point of my life, I accepted their beliefs, ethos and moral ethics without any questioning or applying any modicum of the process called reasoning. As a result I was appreciated by that society who admired me as a forbearer of their ethics and beliefs. May be little bit because I was good in educational career and like any other society my people also don’t expect you to adhere to social ethos and dogmas if you are either rich or successful in your career. At this point I would like to clarify that I still don’t feel that their beliefs are absolutely worthless or obsolete. It’s just that I was not allowed to question their authenticity by using something called brain or related to logic.

But the real trouble started when I got selected for dual degree (B.tech and M.tech) in IIT Madras through prestigious JEE. There I got a chance to interact with people from different parts and societies of India. I also came to know there that Hindus from south of my country enjoy luxury of marrying their first cousins (a sure sign decadent society from my society’s point of view). By interacting with some of the best brains of country, I also started using this part of my body called brain, which I used till now exclusively for only solving mathematical equations of science questions. Then I started questioning each and everything which I did, followed or people expected from me.

Soon I had a lot of practices and beliefs, mere existence of those could be questioned. Why do some people believe in God? If man was capable of doing all the things, would there be concept of God? Doesn’t our incompetency in many spheres of life force us to imagine someone more capable, omnipotent called God? Why exogamy is bad? Why should I marry only in my caste? Why am I supposed to live a life of socially accepted man? Why can’t I live only for myself, placing my interest paramount? Does life have any purpose or I am just supposed to squander sixty or seventy whatever is endowed on me by Mother Nature? Why there is so much poverty and inequality in our society?

I tried asking these questions with my relatives, friends and elders belonging to my society. In search of answers of my questions, I started reading inspiration literature including Shrimadbhagvad Gita. Some of my queries were solved. But reading Gita was like giving a powerful weapon to a child, who was incapable of handling it properly. It gave birth to bigger, bolder and stranger questions? Who am I? Am I a soul? Is rebirth a truth?

Again I started looking for counseling from everyone whom I considered worthy enough to satiate my hunger about truth, but unfortunately or fortunately nobody could provide me savory solutions. Although many of them suggested that I should stop such irrelevant things like thinking and reading Gita.

But I learnt a lot by applying my brain; I came to know reasons behind many established practices. I could see good and bad for myself. I chose not to follow some preaching from my society because I could afford the loss occurred. And even if I loose something by not following established social norms, it is due to my choice. And it matters since it is my choice, a choice without being stunted by any barrier of established norms, faith, ethos and social dogmas.

Ek tera hi sahara

Hazaron patjharhon ke rang ko badal sakta hoon
Anekon kathinaiyon ke phanon ko kuchal sakta hoon
Apna saath mere sang jata do mere maalik,
mein saikdon tokhre khake bhi sambhal sakta hoon.

Zindagi sikha rahi hai nit mujhko kisi na kisi bahane se,
kabhi thoda hanske pyar se, kabhi thoda roothke tane se,
mere sar pe apne haath ka saaya jata do mere malik,
mein angaaro pe bhi muskura ke chal sakta hoon.

Thodi shakti do mujhe parishithiyon se ladne ke liye,
thoda gyan do mujhe bhavasagar ke us paar tarne ke liye,
apne charnon ki dhool mere naam kar do mere malik,
mein kisi bhi namumkin ko sambhav kar sakta hoon.